The Rules.

Twelve owners. One big happy dysfunctional group chat. Head to Head scoring, because rotisserie is for people who own multiple pairs of khakis.

Buy in is $125, due before the draft. No exceptions, no IOUs, no 'I'll get you Sunday' texts on draft morning. We have heard them all, usually from the same guy.

Roster: 1 QB, 2 RB, 3 WR, 1 TE, 1 W/R/T FLEX, 1 K, 1 DEF, 5 BENCH, 2 IR. Fifteen active slots, no SUPERFLEX, no IDP, no defensive tackle guy nobody has ever heard of. Yes, we still start a kicker. No, we will not talk about it.

Lineups lock at kickoff. If you forgot to sit your bye week guy, that is a you problem, not a commissioner problem. Set your lineup like a grownup.

Fractional and negative points are on. Yes, your final score will end in .74 and yes, you will lose by .06. It is the league's love language.

Passing: 1 point per 25 yards, 4 per TD, -1 per INT, -4 per pick six, 1 bonus for 40+ yard completions, 2 per 2-pt conversion. No bonus for hitting 300 yards, sorry pocket passers.

Rushing: 1 point per 10 yards, 6 per TD, 1 bonus for a 40+ yard run, 1 bonus for a 40+ yard rushing TD, 5 per rushing first down. Yes, first downs count. Handcuff your guy.

Receiving: 0.5 PPR, 1 point per 10 yards, 6 per TD, 1 bonus for a 40+ yard reception, 5 per receiving first down. Possession receivers are finally allowed at the party.

Miscellaneous: 2-point conversion 2, fumble -5, fumble lost -2, offensive fumble return TD 3. If you fumble AND lose it that is -7, which is roughly what it feels like.

Kickers, made: 2 (0-19), 3 (20-29), 4 (30-39), 5 (40-49), 7 (50+). Missed: -3 (0-19), -2.5 (20-29), -2 (30-39), -1.5 (40-49), -5 (50+). PAT made 1, missed -2. Kickers are chaos and we lean into it.

Defense/ST: Sack 1, INT 2, Fumble Recovery 2, Safety 2, Block 2, Defensive TD 6, Kickoff/Punt Return TD 6. 4th down stop 5, tackle for loss 5, three-and-out forced 1. Streaming defenses is a full time job.

Points allowed: 10 shutout, 7 (1-6), 4 (7-13), 1 (14-20), 0 (21-27), -1 (28-34), -4 (35+). No yards allowed scoring, so let your defense give up 500 yards in garbage time, we do not care.

Continuous waivers, reverse order of standings. Waivers process at game time Tuesday. Whoever is last in the standings gets first crack, so enjoy the one benefit of being terrible.

Players sit on waivers 1 day after being dropped. No blind bidding, no FAAB, no spreadsheets, no crying. Well, some crying.

Max acquisitions: unlimited. Churn that bench like it owes you money.

Trades go to a full league vote. You have 1 day to protest before it processes. If enough of us think you're getting fleeced (or doing the fleecing), it dies. Democracy, baby.

Draft pick trades are allowed. Trade deadline is November 28, 2026. Miss the deadline and your genius three-team blockbuster becomes group chat fan fiction.

Collusion earns a one year ban and buying the group a round the next time we're all in the same room, which given this league is roughly never, so mostly just the ban.

Eight teams make the playoffs. Weeks 15, 16, and 17. Championship ends Monday, January 4. Two thirds of the league makes it in, so if you missed it, that's a choice.

No byes. Reseeding after the quarterfinals. Eliminated teams lock, because we've all seen the guy who tanks his lineup for his buddy in Week 16. Not this year, Fraga.

Championship is a single week. This has been argued 400 times. It is still no.

Playoff seeding tiebreaker: best regular season record vs your opponent's opponents' wins. Yes, it's confusing. Yes, we let Yahoo do the math.

In playoff games, ties go to the higher seed. You had 14 weeks to be better. Fix it earlier.

The Sackomobile: last place finisher decorates a beach cruiser of the league's choosing and rides it down a public boardwalk of our choosing wearing something we'll pick for them.

Photo and video evidence is mandatory. Refusal means forfeiting next year's buy in AND next year's first round pick. Ask us if we're bluffing.

Head to Head, 12 teams, scoring starts Week 1. Invites are commissioner only, so stop DMing us your cousin.

Live draft pick timer: 1 minute. If you're autodrafting a punter in Round 8, that's on you.

Injured players auto slot to IR. Postponed game injuries carry over. Benched players do NOT lock after game time, so yes, you can swap in your Monday night flex. We're not monsters.

No divisions. No median game. No second opponent. No publicly viewable league, because what happens in the group chat stays in the group chat, forever, subpoena or no subpoena.